For years, I searched for happiness and wondered why I couldn’t sustain it in my life…
This search taught me a lot. First and foremost, it taught me that I was searching for the wrong thing. The Buddhist philosophy (one of which I subscribe) tells us (in my very oversimplified nutshell) that our wellbeing has much to do with our desires. Desires end up being our roadblocks to happiness—”want nothing and you will have everything” (a bit deep and austere for most of us, but if you think about it, it makes some sense). Desire, by definition, is craving, wanting, yearning, coveting…the attainment or possession of something. This mindset is responsible for pain and suffering in several ways. First and foremost, it takes us out of the present (wanting for something and being present don’t mix well), and being in the present is critical because it is our only reality. Whenever we are focused on wanting what we don’t have, we are not focused on appreciating our present (what we do have). Suffice it to say, not being in the present is a big problem—much more can and will be said about this.
Additionally, the temporary fulfillment of our desires can be a big trap and lead to an infinite loop of unfulfillment—the more we get, the more we want, the bigger our desires, and the bigger our burdens. When Jimmy Buffett sings “Times are rough, I’ve got too much stuff”, it alludes to the burdens of any addiction in that it takes a bigger and bigger fix to get to the same point. In fact, my pursuit of happiness, in itself, became a most coveted desire. The more I desired this state and the harder I chased it and the more I pushed myself for this feeling, the more frustrated I became when it lapsed. I set myself up to fail often and each time I wondered, what’s the matter with me, why aren’t I happy right now—dammit!?
It wasn’t all for naught, however, and after years of pursuit, the answer began to present itself, and more importantly, I began to accept it. Happiness is the journey, but it’s not the destination, and though this has become a cliche, it takes a lot of practice to keep front of mind. Happiness happens along our paths and we get to appreciate it when it does, but it is an overused and oversimplified goal that when coveted actually leads us astray. Suffering (a state that Buddhism gets a bad rap for) is a part of our path as well, so happiness happens and suffering happens (along with a wide range of emotions). Paradoxically, believing that happiness is the destination, actually leads to more frustration and suffering.
Releasing this constant desire for happiness and accepting life as it is (being fully present), releases us from the trappings of desire, control, and the fear of suffering (any kind of pain that is a natural part of life). This release, in turn, allows for the acceptance of the now in whatever form that may be (this is key). This allows for a much higher state–peace of mind. Peace of mind is the state that I now seek. It is presently attainable because it is inclusive of whatever emotion I am feeling at the time—as long as I accept it. And, with peace of mind, one gets contentment, and with contentment, one has many more opportunities to feel grateful, which leads to really noticing our times of happiness and then accepting our times of non-happiness.
That is my thesis and if I was writing a book, I’d have to take a much longer time in getting to that point because nobody makes their fortune off a one-page book 🙂
